I remember when I used to have panic attacks
at parties sitting in joint circles
waiting for the joint to be passed to me
waiting to see how far
I could make the panic go
and right now
having a panic attack at home
about how I used to smoke
and how maybe
I’m not dealing with any of my demons correctly
This poem will not deal in metaphors
but it will use similes
which are like metaphors
which describe exactly what something is
without accurately describing it
I’ve been looking for the right word to describe myself
something like metaphor
attempting to describe myself while not exactly being myself
I remember myself
having panic attacks in joint circles
and when asked what I was
I told people poet
instead of telling them I was more like a flashlight
that I was attempting
to discover what’s in all the dustiest boxes of my attic
which is kind of like my brain
but I don’t know how to describe my brain right
and neither any therapists
who have called my brain many things
who have called it something like
constantly changing
which is just another way to say
easily misdiagnosable
and when that happens it is something
like a mistake but is really nobody’s fault
kind of like addiction
kind of like attempting to describe yourself
kind of like shaking hands
kind of like taking prescription medicine that hurts you
kind of like saying “I’m a poet” for a better reflection
which is kind of like a metaphor
but is more like a simile
because you’re never really looking in the mirror
if you’re trying to avert your own gaze
but sometimes I look at my teeth
which are kind of like my anxiety
I brush them twice a day
to rid my mouth of all the cruel things I have called myself
which are kind of like self-affirmations
just negative ones
and you can do negative affirmations daily
and still have high self-esteem
is what my therapist told me
which is kind of like narcissism
which is kind of like thinking you have a problem when you have none
which is kind of like marijuana addiction
which many say doesn’t exist
but I’m so happy I stopped
and now I smoke these cigarettes
which are kind of like joints just dangerous
and I still have panic attacks
which are kind of like mistakes
but are not my fault
and sometime I look in the mirror
which is kind of like a black hole
and I get lost in it
until I forget what I look like
which is kind of like what narcissus did
which is kind of like how you memorize poems.
you do them so much you forget them
you do them so much you forget them
you do them so much
you can do drugs so much that you forget who you are
and pretend you are something you are almost but are not
which is kind of like a simile
which is like a metaphor but is something a metaphor is not
and I’m not a poet but I am like one
I am a person in healing
which is kind of like a person
shaking a flashlight’s batteries
and shaking a flashlight’s batteries
and shaking a flashlight’s batteries
and shaking
at parties sitting in joint circles
waiting for the joint to be passed to me
waiting to see how far
I could make the panic go
and right now
having a panic attack at home
about how I used to smoke
and how maybe
I’m not dealing with any of my demons correctly
This poem will not deal in metaphors
but it will use similes
which are like metaphors
which describe exactly what something is
without accurately describing it
I’ve been looking for the right word to describe myself
something like metaphor
attempting to describe myself while not exactly being myself
I remember myself
having panic attacks in joint circles
and when asked what I was
I told people poet
instead of telling them I was more like a flashlight
that I was attempting
to discover what’s in all the dustiest boxes of my attic
which is kind of like my brain
but I don’t know how to describe my brain right
and neither any therapists
who have called my brain many things
who have called it something like
constantly changing
which is just another way to say
easily misdiagnosable
and when that happens it is something
like a mistake but is really nobody’s fault
kind of like addiction
kind of like attempting to describe yourself
kind of like shaking hands
kind of like taking prescription medicine that hurts you
kind of like saying “I’m a poet” for a better reflection
which is kind of like a metaphor
but is more like a simile
because you’re never really looking in the mirror
if you’re trying to avert your own gaze
but sometimes I look at my teeth
which are kind of like my anxiety
I brush them twice a day
to rid my mouth of all the cruel things I have called myself
which are kind of like self-affirmations
just negative ones
and you can do negative affirmations daily
and still have high self-esteem
is what my therapist told me
which is kind of like narcissism
which is kind of like thinking you have a problem when you have none
which is kind of like marijuana addiction
which many say doesn’t exist
but I’m so happy I stopped
and now I smoke these cigarettes
which are kind of like joints just dangerous
and I still have panic attacks
which are kind of like mistakes
but are not my fault
and sometime I look in the mirror
which is kind of like a black hole
and I get lost in it
until I forget what I look like
which is kind of like what narcissus did
which is kind of like how you memorize poems.
you do them so much you forget them
you do them so much you forget them
you do them so much
you can do drugs so much that you forget who you are
and pretend you are something you are almost but are not
which is kind of like a simile
which is like a metaphor but is something a metaphor is not
and I’m not a poet but I am like one
I am a person in healing
which is kind of like a person
shaking a flashlight’s batteries
and shaking a flashlight’s batteries
and shaking a flashlight’s batteries
and shaking
