The Harpoon Review
  • Fall
    • Tayler Karinen
    • Benjamin Lindsey
    • Patrick Harrington
    • Rich Ives
    • Kelly Kotewa
    • Craig Rodgers
    • Laura Fletcher
    • Jen McConnell
    • Remi Skytterstad
  • Past Issues
    • YEAR ONE >
      • Issue 1: October >
        • Dalton Day
        • Camila Maldonado
        • Elizabeth Burton
        • Daniel Kay
        • Shelby Bevins-Sullivan
        • Ryan Havers
      • Issue 2: November >
        • Rob Sturma
        • Candi V. Auchterlonie
        • Christopher Mulrooney
        • William James
        • Andrew Rhys Young
        • Michael Cormack
        • Kayla Pongrac
      • Issue 3: December >
        • Ann Huang
        • Peter Vanderberg
        • John Sweet
        • Daniel von der Embse
        • Rebecca Dutsar
        • Sarah Kersey
        • Geramee Hensley
      • Issue 4: January >
        • Stacey Balkun
        • Nolan Liebert
        • Charles Bane Jr.
        • Carly Gordon
        • Yoni Hammer-Kossoy
        • Bryan Harvey
        • Jonathan May
      • Issue 5: February >
        • Meggie Royer
        • I. S. Jones
        • John O'Connor
        • Daniel von der Embse
      • Issue 6: March >
        • Lauren Frament
        • Jordan Jamison
        • Steve Meagher
        • Lauren Milici
        • Emily Alexander
        • Vaishnavi Nathan
      • Issue 7: April >
        • Ace Boggess
        • Emily O'Neill
        • Kayla Wheeler
        • Larry Thacker
        • Jeremy Radin
        • Penn Javden
        • Paul Ferrell
      • Issue 8: May >
        • John Grabski
        • Brennan Bestwick
        • Niles M. Reddick
        • Rich Boucher
        • Steven Dunn
        • Scherezade Siobhan
        • Joseph Lisowski
        • James Fitzgerald
      • Issue 9: June >
        • Clair Dunlap
        • Kristen Arnett
        • Meggie Royer
        • Shannon Austin
        • Matthew Moffett
        • Jacqueline Kharouf
      • Issue 10: July >
        • Alexander Dang
        • Kathy Fish
        • Tiffany McDaniel
        • Leonor Morrow
        • Amy Silverberg
        • Alex Tedesco
      • Issue 11: August >
        • Louis Jenkins
        • Rebecca Harrison
        • Yuan Changming
        • Cathy Ulrich
        • Toti O'Brien
        • Erin Slaughter
      • Issue 12: September >
        • Anis Mojgani
        • Levi Andrew Noe
        • Davon Loeb
        • Paul Beckman
        • Lydia Havens
        • William Butler
        • Robert A. Kaufman
    • YEAR TWO >
      • Issue 13: October >
        • R. G. Evans
        • John Pistelli
        • Hannah Brown
        • Carl Boon
        • Christine Nichols
        • Joshua Robert Long
      • Issue 14: November >
        • Rushda Rafeek
        • John Grabski
        • Naima Woods
        • Peter Burzynski
        • Kathleen Radigan
      • Issue 15: December >
        • Jane Rosenberg LaForge
        • Darren C. Demaree
        • Prerna Bakshi
      • Issue 16: January >
        • Daniel Lynch
        • Lena Ziegler
        • Charles Freeland
        • GJ Hart
      • Issue 17: February >
        • Ignacio Peña
        • Kara McMullen
        • Abigail Marshall
        • Carol Park
        • Rob Hill
      • Issue 18: March >
        • Maggie Graber
        • Abigail George
        • Nazifa Islam
        • Matthew Moffett
      • Issue 19: April >
        • Steve Slavin
        • Olivia Grayson
        • Kristin Roedell
        • Roisin Kelly
      • Issue 20: May >
        • Michael Bartelt
        • Hannah Jane Pearson
        • William James
        • Mitchell Grabois
      • Issue 21: June >
        • Marina Carreira
        • Wade Bentley
        • Jen Howard
      • Issue 22: July >
        • Zebulon Huset
        • Vivian Hua
        • Stelth Ulvang
        • Henry Goldkamp
      • Issue 23: August >
        • Ron Gibson
        • Colleen Rich
        • Jefferson Navicky
        • Mehrnoosh Torbatnejad
        • Simon Perchik
      • Issue 24: September >
        • Sally J. Johnson
        • Lewis Mundt
        • April Vázquez
        • Emma Hutson
    • YEAR THREE >
      • Issue 25: October >
        • Peter Weltner
        • Nicholas Morris
        • Ola Faleti
        • Phoebe Nicholson
      • Issue 26: November >
        • Effy Fritz
        • Maxwell Radwin
        • David Atkinson
        • Eddy Jordan
      • Issue 27: December >
        • Jon Bennett
        • Stephanie Valente
        • Leigh Cheak
      • Issue 28: January >
        • Adrienne Novy
        • John Grabski
        • Fay Sachpatzidis
        • Paulie Lipman
        • Sarah David
      • Issue 29: February >
        • Ron Gibson Jr.
        • Amanda Kabak
        • Travis Naught
        • Allen Forrest
        • Susan Monaghan
      • Issue 30: March >
        • Hannah Larrabee
        • ​Lino Anunciacion
        • Karese Burrows
        • Reneé Bibby
        • Liz Howard
        • Kalani Pickhart
      • Issue 31: April >
        • Nina Murray
        • Daniel Blokh
        • Benjamin Harnett
        • Wheeler Light
      • Issue 32: May >
        • Kristen M. Ploetz
        • Terry Ann Wright
        • Craig Loomis
        • Thaddeus Rutkowski
      • Issue 33: June >
        • Ailish Woollett
        • Nandini Dhar
        • Alex Ivey
        • Hazem Fahmy
        • Jennifer Moore
      • Issue 34: July >
        • Christine No
        • Sarah Destin
        • Claire Hopple
        • Maura Lee Bee
      • Issue 35: August >
        • Luisana Cortez
        • Aza Pace
        • Carrie Chappell
        • Adam Lock
      • Issue 36: September >
        • Jill Mceldowney
        • Leon Kortenkamp
        • Sarah Jones
        • Darren Demaree
    • YEAR FOUR >
      • Issue 37: October >
        • Hannah Stone
        • William Doreski
        • Sarah Wetzel
        • C. T. Salazar
      • Issue 38: November >
        • Kristen Ploetz
        • Stephanie Rael
        • Brittany Frederick
        • Jay Sheets
        • Andy Cashmore
      • Issue 39: December >
        • Taylor Mali
        • Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz
        • John Williams
        • Iskandar Haggarty
        • Donald Hubbard
        • Kenneth Otani
        • Alex Miller
      • SPRING >
        • Simon Perchik
        • Lino Anunciacion
        • Colleen Rich
        • Donia Mounsef
        • Nitzan Meltzer Watman
        • Ann Hillesland
        • DJ Swykert
      • SUMMER >
        • Cynthia X. Hua
        • Heidi Seaborn
        • Daniel Nester
        • Ginnah Howard
        • Jonathan Bracker
      • FALL >
        • William James
        • Laura Bentley
        • Ally Ang
        • Kurt Luchs
        • Joanna Hoffman
      • Winter >
        • Danny Caine
        • Emma Wang
        • Maria McLeod
        • Darren Demaree
        • Susan J. Mitchell
      • SPRING >
        • Sandra Kolankiewicz
        • Michael O'Neill
        • Lino Anunciacion
        • Katherine Fallon
  • Submissions
  • About
  • Contact
  • Harpoon Books

The Space Between Breaths

9/18/2016

0 Comments

 
Lifts are fine. Cupboards, too, if the door is open. The warm space beneath the covers is safe if you can wiggle a foot free. Ball pits aren’t, though. Or sleeping bags zipped all the way up. Neither is thinking too long about avalanches. The snow packed in on all sides and you don’t know which way is up, which way to dig. What if you dig further in? What if you don’t have the strength to dig at all?

It started with asthma. Not being able to catch your breath. It got worse with chest infections and that time with whooping cough. Not having any breath to catch. Going blind with lack of oxygen. The taste of thick mucus drowning you. Small spaces became the space between breaths. When you didn’t know if you’d take another. That space between the choking out of air and the open-mouthed drag of more.

It’s not necessarily small spaces, anymore. It’s the thought of being trapped in one. The thought of being held down by someone stronger. Heaviness. Their bulk on your back and the sound of their breath in the spaces between yours. You breathe deeper to call out, but their weight drops and you wheeze against the gritty tarmac instead.

Sometimes there’s safety in small places, but only if you can get out. The cave beneath your desk where you can hunch and hide from the work above. Blanket forts that diffuse the light, even if it’s just a sheet hung to dry. The corner booth in a café where you can see the rest of the room but they can’t see you. The space in someone’s arms where you can hide your face in their neck and take a moment to forget.

It started with asthma, but now the space between breaths is remembering. You can’t cough this infection out in slimy chunks. It’s woven between your ribs, under over, leaving less room for air.  Lifts are fine, but only if they’re empty; if someone else gets in, you take the stairs. You’ve survived an avalanche and every way is up so you dig in all directions. You’re digging and in the space between breaths, you talk. ​
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Emma Hutson

    Emma Hutson is completing a PhD in trans theory and literature. She is an associate lecturer at Sheffield Hallam University and has previous fiction published in The C Word: An anthology of writing from Cardiff, Severine Literary and Arts Journal, and CrabFat Magazine. She may be found on Twitter @Emma_S_Hutson.

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Fall
    • Tayler Karinen
    • Benjamin Lindsey
    • Patrick Harrington
    • Rich Ives
    • Kelly Kotewa
    • Craig Rodgers
    • Laura Fletcher
    • Jen McConnell
    • Remi Skytterstad
  • Past Issues
    • YEAR ONE >
      • Issue 1: October >
        • Dalton Day
        • Camila Maldonado
        • Elizabeth Burton
        • Daniel Kay
        • Shelby Bevins-Sullivan
        • Ryan Havers
      • Issue 2: November >
        • Rob Sturma
        • Candi V. Auchterlonie
        • Christopher Mulrooney
        • William James
        • Andrew Rhys Young
        • Michael Cormack
        • Kayla Pongrac
      • Issue 3: December >
        • Ann Huang
        • Peter Vanderberg
        • John Sweet
        • Daniel von der Embse
        • Rebecca Dutsar
        • Sarah Kersey
        • Geramee Hensley
      • Issue 4: January >
        • Stacey Balkun
        • Nolan Liebert
        • Charles Bane Jr.
        • Carly Gordon
        • Yoni Hammer-Kossoy
        • Bryan Harvey
        • Jonathan May
      • Issue 5: February >
        • Meggie Royer
        • I. S. Jones
        • John O'Connor
        • Daniel von der Embse
      • Issue 6: March >
        • Lauren Frament
        • Jordan Jamison
        • Steve Meagher
        • Lauren Milici
        • Emily Alexander
        • Vaishnavi Nathan
      • Issue 7: April >
        • Ace Boggess
        • Emily O'Neill
        • Kayla Wheeler
        • Larry Thacker
        • Jeremy Radin
        • Penn Javden
        • Paul Ferrell
      • Issue 8: May >
        • John Grabski
        • Brennan Bestwick
        • Niles M. Reddick
        • Rich Boucher
        • Steven Dunn
        • Scherezade Siobhan
        • Joseph Lisowski
        • James Fitzgerald
      • Issue 9: June >
        • Clair Dunlap
        • Kristen Arnett
        • Meggie Royer
        • Shannon Austin
        • Matthew Moffett
        • Jacqueline Kharouf
      • Issue 10: July >
        • Alexander Dang
        • Kathy Fish
        • Tiffany McDaniel
        • Leonor Morrow
        • Amy Silverberg
        • Alex Tedesco
      • Issue 11: August >
        • Louis Jenkins
        • Rebecca Harrison
        • Yuan Changming
        • Cathy Ulrich
        • Toti O'Brien
        • Erin Slaughter
      • Issue 12: September >
        • Anis Mojgani
        • Levi Andrew Noe
        • Davon Loeb
        • Paul Beckman
        • Lydia Havens
        • William Butler
        • Robert A. Kaufman
    • YEAR TWO >
      • Issue 13: October >
        • R. G. Evans
        • John Pistelli
        • Hannah Brown
        • Carl Boon
        • Christine Nichols
        • Joshua Robert Long
      • Issue 14: November >
        • Rushda Rafeek
        • John Grabski
        • Naima Woods
        • Peter Burzynski
        • Kathleen Radigan
      • Issue 15: December >
        • Jane Rosenberg LaForge
        • Darren C. Demaree
        • Prerna Bakshi
      • Issue 16: January >
        • Daniel Lynch
        • Lena Ziegler
        • Charles Freeland
        • GJ Hart
      • Issue 17: February >
        • Ignacio Peña
        • Kara McMullen
        • Abigail Marshall
        • Carol Park
        • Rob Hill
      • Issue 18: March >
        • Maggie Graber
        • Abigail George
        • Nazifa Islam
        • Matthew Moffett
      • Issue 19: April >
        • Steve Slavin
        • Olivia Grayson
        • Kristin Roedell
        • Roisin Kelly
      • Issue 20: May >
        • Michael Bartelt
        • Hannah Jane Pearson
        • William James
        • Mitchell Grabois
      • Issue 21: June >
        • Marina Carreira
        • Wade Bentley
        • Jen Howard
      • Issue 22: July >
        • Zebulon Huset
        • Vivian Hua
        • Stelth Ulvang
        • Henry Goldkamp
      • Issue 23: August >
        • Ron Gibson
        • Colleen Rich
        • Jefferson Navicky
        • Mehrnoosh Torbatnejad
        • Simon Perchik
      • Issue 24: September >
        • Sally J. Johnson
        • Lewis Mundt
        • April Vázquez
        • Emma Hutson
    • YEAR THREE >
      • Issue 25: October >
        • Peter Weltner
        • Nicholas Morris
        • Ola Faleti
        • Phoebe Nicholson
      • Issue 26: November >
        • Effy Fritz
        • Maxwell Radwin
        • David Atkinson
        • Eddy Jordan
      • Issue 27: December >
        • Jon Bennett
        • Stephanie Valente
        • Leigh Cheak
      • Issue 28: January >
        • Adrienne Novy
        • John Grabski
        • Fay Sachpatzidis
        • Paulie Lipman
        • Sarah David
      • Issue 29: February >
        • Ron Gibson Jr.
        • Amanda Kabak
        • Travis Naught
        • Allen Forrest
        • Susan Monaghan
      • Issue 30: March >
        • Hannah Larrabee
        • ​Lino Anunciacion
        • Karese Burrows
        • Reneé Bibby
        • Liz Howard
        • Kalani Pickhart
      • Issue 31: April >
        • Nina Murray
        • Daniel Blokh
        • Benjamin Harnett
        • Wheeler Light
      • Issue 32: May >
        • Kristen M. Ploetz
        • Terry Ann Wright
        • Craig Loomis
        • Thaddeus Rutkowski
      • Issue 33: June >
        • Ailish Woollett
        • Nandini Dhar
        • Alex Ivey
        • Hazem Fahmy
        • Jennifer Moore
      • Issue 34: July >
        • Christine No
        • Sarah Destin
        • Claire Hopple
        • Maura Lee Bee
      • Issue 35: August >
        • Luisana Cortez
        • Aza Pace
        • Carrie Chappell
        • Adam Lock
      • Issue 36: September >
        • Jill Mceldowney
        • Leon Kortenkamp
        • Sarah Jones
        • Darren Demaree
    • YEAR FOUR >
      • Issue 37: October >
        • Hannah Stone
        • William Doreski
        • Sarah Wetzel
        • C. T. Salazar
      • Issue 38: November >
        • Kristen Ploetz
        • Stephanie Rael
        • Brittany Frederick
        • Jay Sheets
        • Andy Cashmore
      • Issue 39: December >
        • Taylor Mali
        • Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz
        • John Williams
        • Iskandar Haggarty
        • Donald Hubbard
        • Kenneth Otani
        • Alex Miller
      • SPRING >
        • Simon Perchik
        • Lino Anunciacion
        • Colleen Rich
        • Donia Mounsef
        • Nitzan Meltzer Watman
        • Ann Hillesland
        • DJ Swykert
      • SUMMER >
        • Cynthia X. Hua
        • Heidi Seaborn
        • Daniel Nester
        • Ginnah Howard
        • Jonathan Bracker
      • FALL >
        • William James
        • Laura Bentley
        • Ally Ang
        • Kurt Luchs
        • Joanna Hoffman
      • Winter >
        • Danny Caine
        • Emma Wang
        • Maria McLeod
        • Darren Demaree
        • Susan J. Mitchell
      • SPRING >
        • Sandra Kolankiewicz
        • Michael O'Neill
        • Lino Anunciacion
        • Katherine Fallon
  • Submissions
  • About
  • Contact
  • Harpoon Books